SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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