You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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