i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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