wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
