yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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