I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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