i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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