she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
