you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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