Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
this hospital has no fireball
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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