I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
