Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
