and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
