I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
