We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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