Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
