I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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