I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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