At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
