Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
