i already hear my dad disowning me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
