Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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