Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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