just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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