Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
