Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
