you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
