he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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