Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
soo... how was my night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
