I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
