My first STD was from a foam party
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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