apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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