I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
