So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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