i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
