The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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