Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
