Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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