so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
