Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
