I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
