I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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