i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
