Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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