I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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