i think i have herpe
just one?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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