I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
