Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
