I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
