we have officially lost it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
