oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
