We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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