dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
