What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
