This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
